Hi again, world! ❤
Hehe, yeah I’ve been gone for a while, haven’t I? Well, as I mentioned in my previous (albeit impromptu) post, life kinda happened, and I decided to take a break from a lot of things for a while.
Also, I got married to a wonderful person who is willing to support me in everything I do, and through a long chain of events, 2015 became my “inhale year,” to borrow a term from the fantastic Amanda Palmer.
I admit that at first, I didn’t quite know what to do with myself. I was so used to being constantly busy, constantly sleepless, constantly burned out, that the idea of STOPPING and resting felt embarrassingly alien. It’s been long ingrained in my brain that anything less than being a busy worker bee with the constant danger of running yourself to the ground was unacceptable. It was being lazy, it was being unproductive, it was being a moocher, it was selfish, and most painfully, it was being a burden to everyone around you.
Thankfully, though, and with much help and support from my loving, ever-patient husband, as well as bunch of stalwart friends, it finally hit me on the head: “All these years, I wished I had enough time for myself, and I now have it at last!”
I realized how since I dropped out of university at 19 years old, I never stopped working. I never really had a break, and all I’ve ever really known was the routine of jobs and socially-acceptable productivity.
So yes, in 2015, I learned to stop being ashamed of trying to take care of myself and pursuing my own interests. I spent more time with our cats, I learned new recipes, I learned how to make desserts, I took joy in making sure the husband’s belly is always full with good food, I read more books, I played more video games, I watched more movies and listened to more music. I became more grateful for what we had. I ate healthier, I ate better. I slept more, and I said no more often.
Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t all peachy keen 100% of the time, and I would lapse into my neurotic, panicked self more often than I care to admit. The husband heroically bore the brunt of it all, each time I would throw a tantrum, and I could never thank him enough for that. During those periods when I DID actually “get it,” though, I learned so much.
Now in 2016, just a few days after celebrating my approximately 32 years around the sun, I enter a new year with a fresh perspective, and a new mindset. Probably for the first time since I was 19. It’s both terrible and wonderful, as fear and hope collide in my brain to turn into what I like to think is exhilaration. So thank you, everyone, and everything. I am where I am and who I am today because of you. And I think I really like where and who I am right now, and I am excited to roll up my sleeves again and see what we can come up with this time around.
It’s an exhale year now. Wish me luck.
Oh, and everyone?
Remember to breathe. ❤